The boy I’ve been having crush on for the past 4 and half years is positively different from I thought he is.

Playing 'One in a million' by Ne-yo over and over again. How I wish I can be someone's one in a million.

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Salam reader(s)!

*Wipes off dusts on this blog*

Only He knows how much I miss blogging. Yeayh. Of course. I'm so sorry (again) dearest bloggie. Juggling things is never been easy. Enough said. There were so many things I wish I could write and share, hence I do this blogpost.

and because of so many many many million million things I want to put up here, let me list down them in brief, whatever come across my mind right now.

1)so, it has been 7 months since I started my chambering. there are so many type of people I've met. and clients? In short, I can categorize them into 3 type of people

-OK

-BANYAK CEKADAK

-TAK FAHAM BAHASA

* lol. the OK clients would make your day. I handled a file, accident case. The couple, they were just too simple and easygoing. They wouldn't ask you anything unless you inform them. You see, this type of people, they have faith on you, that they paid you and you know how to get things done. And Alhamdulillah, Allah eases everything. They got 52k after series of tiring negotiations with Insurance company. And the BANYAK CEKADAK group of people, they sometimes became the 'force' of you having a good laugh. But most of the times, you feel like wishing yourself become mute and deaf,so you wouldn't have to listen to their pokpekpokpek. Last but no least, the TAK FAHAM BAHASA people? You feel like throwing a hand grenade to them. They never listen, so they never understand. and I met this type of people, every half and hour gave you a phone call asking whether he could win the case. Oh kamonlah weyh! the phone calls were so annoying up to the point that I unplugged my office's phone. 

2)many of my dear darlings met their other half and tying the knot. Murshidah is expecting a baby, Kureen becomes a wife of Audi, a husband of family arrangement, and Eynaharis and Pus, their reception ended so not good abruptly when their 'kerusi pelamin anganku patah'. Bittersweet. I'm happy for them, and to be honest, I felt sad as well, they are no longer my dear PWJ I used to know for the past 4 years. Whatever it is, I wish all of them the very best of marriage life, being blessed by happy family, soleh solehah children.
Rasa macam dah tua secara official. 

3)I found myself in extra level of excitement whenever I go to Bagus ( a shop selling ingredients for cakes). I bake. I bake a lot recently. And I'm so loving it. and I'm so happy wandering around men's and babies' clothes section as well. so? motip sangat lah kan ni? hahaha

4)I miss my late father. I dream of meeting him again. and sometimes, I do feel low. feel like giving up life. Suicidal thoughts come. Nauzubillah, my heart is just too fragile without his manly words of wisdom. He used to talk about life with me. He is surely irreplaceable. He's my one in a million. Sometimes, I'm not strong enough to face ups and downs of life. and what pulls me back to the track is HIM, my family and him.

5)Only my family and him knows how air headed I am. and I'm not sure whether he will be able to keep going on with our relationship. The other day I was telling him that I don't want to get married. at least bukan dalam masa terdekat. I'm not blaming my destiny. But being the first child of divorce-parents, the trauma caused, it was indescribably frightening. I’m not able to put how my perceptions of marriage life into words. I'm trying my best to overcome this feeling. and the result is yet to be known.... time may heal the wound. :(
I'm so sorry MH... :(

6)Will update later. 

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mood : sometimes, I feel like smashing my head on the wall whenever I had a fight with him. because I realized that I'm the one who triggered it.

poor my hantu :(